C - F - Dm - G then e--1--3-1-3-1--1--3-1-3-1--1--3-1-3-1--3--| B--1-----------1-----------3-----------0--| G--0-----------2-----------2-----------0--| D--2-----------3-----------------------0--| A--3-----------------------------------2--| E--------------------------------------3--| C F you're helpless, and hopeless Dm G you wanna help out the homeless C F Dm G but you've got problems C F you're selfish, and worthless Dm G and you have no fucking purpose C F Dm G you're a cancer-causing, cancer-having slob Dm G C F Dm G C whoa-oh whoa WHOOOAAAAA whoooaaaaa-ohhh-oooohhh C F there are morals that conflict with orals Dm G that conflict with anals that believe in angels C F Dm G angels are hating on you C F if good is the absence of evil Dm G and evil is the absence of good C F there is an axis of evil Dm G rolling into this neighborhood Dm F with the sound of gunshots C E Am bang! pow!! pswchh!!! Dm G C Am Dm G C. G. Am. Dm G C whoa-oh C F it was then that i found i am a vampire Dm Am i have fangs fucking 15 inches long C F the sanguinary sweetness of stealing someone's blood Dm Am feels so good i am compelled to sing this song C F and at night when i retire to my coffin Dm Am to sleep for a hundred years or more C F all you people that i know will have died long ago Dm Am Am - F - C and their children will have died ten years before Dm G C G Am whoaaaaa-oh. whooaa-oh-oh-ohhh